Build better 1:1s through trust, encouragement, and real connection.

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Most 1:1s suck. Here's how to fix yours.

I’ve run over 500 one-on-ones in five years managing remote engineering teams. Most of them started bad, awkward silences, status updates disguised as conversations, both people waiting for it to end.

Then I figured out what actually works.

The problem with most 1:1s

• They're just status updates (you could read a Slack thread)

• Managers do all the talking (defeats the whole point)

• They feel like interrogations (uncomfortable for everyone)
• They reinforce hierarchy instead of connection

• People leave feeling smaller, not stronger

• Nobody knows what to actually talk about

What I learned instead

• The meet each other phase is everything
• Trust builds without corporate BS.

• Feedback works when it feels like support, not criticism.
• You can spot burnout months before it hits.
• People look forward to 1:1s when they feel safe, seen, and encouraged.
  

This isn't theory

It’s what worked with real people on real teams. No fluff, no buzzwords, no endless frameworks, just practical stuff you can use right now.

You get the actual framework

• How to start 1:1s that build real connection.
• My approach to trust and long-term relationships.
• The “multiplier mindset” — how small actions create big change.
• How to use intrinsic motivation to drive growth.
• Red flags for burnout, isolation, and team drift.

This helps if you

• Just became a manager and feel lost

• Your 1:1s feel pointless

• Your team seems disconnected

• You manage people remotely

Future Updates

Pay once, own forever.

You get a living document that gets regular updates.
Yes, you got it right, all future versions will be available to you at no additional cost.

About me

I'm Carlos (@karloscodes). I've made every 1:1 mistake possible so you don't have to.

This guide is the result of five years of practice, reflection, and a recent discovery, how much Alfred Adler’s philosophy of equality, belonging, and encouragement explains what makes 1:1s actually work.

It’s not about managing people.

It’s about working with them.

Questions? Hit me up on X @karloscodes